“Darling, I want you to go to work!”
Many are accustomed to the fact that the man works and provides a family. But is the head of the family himself happy in the role of the earner? The anonymous author published a letter to his wife, in which he frankly told at what costs well -being and prosperity are given and what he expects from his beloved.
I remember how excitement I swept when I first saw you at the Faculty of Law. As if a ray of light illuminated a crowd of preoccupied people. When we met closer, I saw your kindness, charm, practicality, devotion to family and friends. By the end of their studies, we were already inseparable, passed the exam for a lawyer license and got married. The future seemed beautiful. Two freshly baked lawyers, having secured the support of relatives, dream of creating their family.
I began to make a
career, working to exhaustion, in constant stress – novice lawyers do not happen otherwise. You, against expectations, did not seek to find a good job, as, indeed, and in general any. I gently tried to push you, and sometimes you got somewhere, mainly in order to pay a loan for study. But this was not a work in the specialty, it would suit a person who has education and intelligence two times less than yours and paid for it, respectively, few.
Then you got pregnant. We both wanted it. And you took up the most important work in the world. After a few more years, fate gave us a second child. After that you never returned to work. Although now our children have been studying at school for a long time, and the elder will soon be a student.
Now we have everything that is associated with a successful life by middle -class standards: a good house in a safe quiet area, trips on vacation every year, happy, healthy children;We have already accumulated money for their education. But it cost me expensive.
I had more and more duties at work, I was subjected to colossal stress, and as a result my health suffered. People who have not seen me for a long time are amazed at how I look. More than once at any events, someone next to me whispered about how much I was old.
I don’t think I can continue in the same spirit for another 25 years. I often dream that I will leave my company for some less responsible position. And you will compensate you to compensate for the difference in income, working at least for some, even modest work. I have been asking for many years, sometimes I even beg you to get somewhere.
I spend a lot of free time, helping you around the house and with children. I know that the traditional gender distribution of roles suppresses the personality, but this rule is true for both sides. I would not feel so sharply that they use me and that I am lonely if you helped me financially, even a little.
But this does not happen. As I understand it, you are not worried that one day I can die at this work, which I hate more – the main thing is not to work yourself. You spend your time on volunteering, gyms and various hobbies, communicating with women who lead the same way of life. All of you complain about financial problems, but never start a conversation that you could also contribute to the family budget and help your husbands who are out of work.
Of course, our family is not entitled to complain, we must be grateful for everything we have. We live better than millions of people who work much harder than I have ever worked or work. And I know very well that work can be unpleasant. But I do not ask you to go to work in order to buy myself a “jaguar” or a villa. It is only about me to move to another position and at the same time we retain our standard of living.
I want to no longer wake up in the middle of the night from the thought that we are ruining if I refuse my career. I want our marriage to be more like a mutual partnership, so that I do not feel like a dragging horse that is struggling to be lucky.
I want our daughter to see that her mother was working, and take care of her career in order to never depend on her husband as you depend on me. Even if he loves her very much, which I have no doubt. And the most important thing. I want you to go to work, because then I will feel that they love me.